Ich Gehör Nur Mir

My heart aches and a drowsy numbness pains my sense

44,380 notes

horror movie opening scene

white girl:
i dont like this abandoned insane asylum, zack.
white boy:
come on, amanda, 10 years ago tonight, the famous blood skull killer committed his last murder right here and then vanished.
white girl:
you're just trying to scare me.
white boy:
lmao
they continue walking for a few seconds
*white couple hears noise*
white girl:
babe what that??
white boy:
i'll go investigate
*leaves her alone*
*choking noises*
white girl:
zack!!!
white boy:
ha ha just kidding!
white girl:
asshole!
white boy:
im just playin babe
white girl:
that wasnt funny but ur still cute
*playful kiss*
*things turn sexy*
*hear noise*
white boy:
i'll go investigate
*he leaves and then there's a silence for a long time*
*maybe a thud*
white girl:
zack! this isnt funny anymore zack!
*she walks and he dead*
white girl:
ahhh!!
*killer shows up with sickle or quirky weapon that distinguishes him from other horror movie villains*
white girl:
ahhh!!!
*white girl runs*
*dead end*
*hides*
*thinks she free n safe*
*guy catches her*
*cuts her*
*she dead*
opening title slashes across screen:
BLOOD SLICE IN 3-D

4,548 notes

Watch it!!! You won’t regret it!!
I lie through my teeth. You will. When you’re crying on your bedroom floor rocking back and forth and clutching yourself you will regret ever watching anything I ever recommend to you (via captainarlert)

(via loveholic198)

6,449 notes

I found a copy of the Twilight AU that became 50 Shades of Grey.

kumquatwriter:

ryeisenberg:

ryeisenberg:

  • It’s called Master of the Universe.
  • It was originally published on Fanfiction.net (aka where fanfiction goes to die).
  • E.L. James’ pen name was Snowqueens Icedragon because of course it was.
  • Snowqueens Icedragon does not use quotation marks. 
  • She does, however, make up expressions like "my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba" and “I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone.”
  • They spend more time filling out sex-related paperwork than they do actually having sex.
  • This is my reaction to all of the sex scenes:
  • image
  • Because the human body doesn’t work like that
  • This is my reaction to everything else:
  • image
  • Because the english language doesn’t work like that.

The 50 Shades of Grey trailer just dropped, so here’s a link to the original Twilight fanfiction that the book is “based” off of, because if you’re gonna read the book before you see the movie you might as well read it in its original format. 

Reblogging because the reaction gifs are spot on.

I couldn’t stand FSOG and couldn’t make it past the sporking of the second book - but if you’re interested in the “original” fanfiction, now you have it. And if you’re interested in some genius sporking of it:

http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/

The audio ones are the best.

(via bisexualnatasharomanoff)

Filed under fuck that is warped and so badly written I hurt from laughing and cringing in disgust